Osama Bin Laden Shot While Playing Hide 'n Seek In Basement

Osama Bin Laden was shot multiple times in the face, torso, and groin region, while playing a game of "hide and go seek" with his Al Qaeda buddies. U.S. Special Forces found Bin Laden hiding under a table that had a cloth draped over it.

"It was obvious where he was. He kept snickering to himself and uttering 'they'll never find me here,'" said Navy SEAL, John Stone.

The Special Forces team decided there was a good chance they would find Bin Laden, because the house they raided was a complete dump.

After killing the terrorist, Al Qaeda faithfuls decided to play another game, "Follow the Leader," and they all went hiding in their basements, or whatever godforsaken hole they came from.

750 Million People Expected To Have Nothing Better To Do Than Watch The Royal Wedding

London, UK - On the eve of the much talked about "Royal Wedding", 750 million people are expected to tune in because they "have nothing better do be doing" when it will be aired. The wedding is scheduled to kick off at 3:00 AM EST. The actual ceremony however will take place at 6:00 AM after a brief halftime break.

"I'm really looking forward to watching this wedding," said wedding crasher Jeremy Grey. "They're going to have crab cakes at the reception! How can you not have fun eating crab cakes?"

Television sponsors are also looking forward to the Royal Wedding. Doritos and Budweiser reportedly spend one-million-dollars each for their thirty second commercials.

Although hundreds of millions of people and little girls are looking forward to watching the wedding, the rest of the world will celebrate joyously after it is over for the fact that they will no longer be hearing about the royals on every news program, news website, newspaper, news magazine, news radio, and movie trailer previews 24/7.

Petra Nemcova eliminated from 'Dancing with the Stars' For Not Being An Actual Star

After a night of trying to figure out why Petra Nemcova is famous, judges were baffled and unsure why she was invited on the show in the first place. Immediately after her dance, judges scratched their heads and sent Petra home.

"Petra Nemcova? Who the hell is that?" Question morning talk show host, Erika Viking.

After taking a poll asking people who Petra Nemcova is, only 4% answered correctly saying she was a "super model", 57% answered "some woman", and 39% answered "the name of a flower". It should be noted that half of the 4% were just blind guesses.

Now that Petra is off the show, viewers can focus on the more important stars like Ralph Macchio, who has not been famous since the early 90's.

Sarah Silverman Set To Star In Terrible Movie Later This Year

Sarah Silverman will be starring in undoubtedly a terrible movie later this year as she recreates her role as "the bitch".

"I don't like playing the bitch, but someone's got to do it. I mean, listen to my voice. I naturally sound like a bitch...plus it's the only role I can get paid money for doing," said Silverman.

Movie goers everywhere are sick and tired of Silverman's high pitched, whinny voice.

"Movies are made to escape reality. If I wanted to listen to a bitch scream all day then I'd stay home and listen to my girlfriend," said avid movie goer Daniel Chesterson.

Fortunately for us, we can skip Silverman's next performance while simultaneously missing out on her co-star's (Seth Rogan) quest to probably find the ultimate marijuana.

Robert Pattinson Riding The Messy Hair Style All The Way To The Bank

Robert Pattinson has no plans of taming that wild jungle on the top of his skull anytime soon. His outrageous head of hair looks like he stylishly mopped a floor with his head, and it works. He has worked in 16 films since making his way on the scene in 2004, largely thanks to his lack of caring when he wakes up in the morning. Despite his on screen success, his hair has mixed reviews.

"Just look at it. It's a mess. It looks like a forest of dead trees," said messy hair enthusiast Tommy Mayfield.

"I think it's just dreamy. I'd love to stick my head in there and do some exploring," said Twilight fan Jessica Thompson.

Although his hair is messy, and at times downright disgusting, Pattinson has no plans of getting a cut, or buying a comb.

"I like my hair just the way it is. What's wrong with that?" Questioned Pattinson after finding a lost dog in his hair while running his hand through it.


(Photo Credit www.posh24.com)