“There’s no need to hide it anymore. I’m Gay with a capitol G. Most people probably already knew it, but it’s about time that I said it. I’m really into guys,” Cruise told reporters last night.
His ex-wife Nicole Kidman said “Yeah, isn’t it obvious that he’s gay? Why do you think we got divorced? He kept trying to make me wear a beard during intercourse.”
With the world being more accepting of the homosexual community, Cruise felt that it was an appropriate time to explain his personal sexual preference.
“I’ve had feelings for men ever since Top Gun. You all saw how sexy Val (Kilmer) looked in the movie, especially in the shower scene with just that towel wrapped around his body. He would have turned any other person gay if you were on that set long enough too.”
In response to Cruise’s new sexual orientation, his current wife, Katie Holmes, is taking preventative measures for their four-year-old daughter, Suri, by starting her on penis shaped gummys.
(Tom Cruise is not actually gay, but his wife did give their daughter penis shaped gummys.)
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