Barry Bonds Found Guilty For Being Manny Ramirez's Baby Daddy

Barry Bonds was found guilty yesterday for being the baby daddy of former MLB player Manny Ramirez's newborn.

"I should not have hidden my affection for Manny. He's always been there when I needed him most, and I am proud to be his baby's daddy," said Bonds.

Ramirez has been found guilty for taking female fertility drugs, but up until his yesterday no one knew who the baby's daddy was. Baseball fan and female fertility drug enthusiast, Erik Hausmanis, had this to say.

"I'm not surprised by this at all. Bonds would be the kinda guy that would impregnate a someone like Ramirez," said Hausmanis.

Although both men lack a fertilizable egg, the two still managed to have a baby together.

Victoria's Secret Revealed By Gabby Neighbor

Reynoldsburg, OH - Victoria's secret was let out of the bag this afternoon by Victoria's gabby next door neighbor. Soon after the discovery, the neighbor was tweeting and facebooking to her friends what she had just found out.

"I don't know how she found out my secret. I've kept it safe for 34 years, and then some blabbermouth just tells it to the entire world," said Victoria.

The gabby neighbor casually brought up the secret in 34 different conversations with community residents, tweeted the secret 13 times on Twitter, posted it as her Facebook status twice, and mass text everyone in her cell phone contact list.

“You want to know what Victoria’s secret is?” Asked the gabby neighbor as she leaned in to tell the secret. “She doesn’t wear any underwear!”

It is still unclear how the gabby neighbor found out about the secret, but one thing is clear, Victoria’s “secret “ is no longer a secret anymore.

Manny Ramirez Retiring From Baseball To Have A Baby

Tampa Bay, FL - MLB slugger, Manny Ramirez, is hanging up his uniform after 19 years to give birth to his first child.

"I'm really excited I'm having a baby, but I can't continue playing baseball while I'm pregnant. What if I got hit by a pitch in the stomach? That's insane man," said Ramirez at a press conference Friday.

His decision to retire came after his teammate, B.J. Upton, caught him vomiting from morning sickness.

"It was disgusting. He was throwing up all over the place. He's also been a lot more moody lately," said Upton.

Although Ramirez is a man, he has been actively taking woman's fertility drugs in hopes of becoming pregnant. Those hopes have finally paid off, and he is expecting his baby in mid-to-late January.

(Photo Credit to www.midwestsportsfans.com)

Donald Trump Seriously Wants To Be Taken Serious About Seriously Running For President

New York City, NY - When Donald Trump threw in his name as a potential presidential candidate, most people thought he was joking. "Oh yeah, Donald Trump for president. That'll be the day," was the thought process of 98% of the people who first heard claims that Trump wanted to run for president. Despite peoples reluctance to accept the possibility that Donald Trump might actually run for president, he is deadly serious about running.

"I wish I didn't have to do it, but for this country to get back on top, they need me. I'm serious this time...why are you laughing," said Trump.

Along with sharing the same name is a very famous duck, the self promoting billionaire is also the host of successful reality TV show, The Apprentice.

"My first day in office, I'm going up to Obama, and I'm going to tell him 'he's fire,'" said Trump.

With debate on whether or not Trump will run for election in 2012, he is looking forward to the added media attention to feed his appetite for his ever growing ego, who he appropriately nicknamed, "Donald The Great".

LeBron James Buys Into Liverpool FC While Mom Assaults A Valet

Miami Beach, FL. - In attempts to distract the media from his mom assaulting a valet attendant, LeBron James bought a minority stake in the Liverpool Football Club.

"I thought that by making this historic purchase, I would distract the media long enough so that they wouldn't have found out that my mom assaulted a valet attendant while she was drunk last night," said James.

Gloria James was reportedly clubbing last night with her girlfriends. When she felt that she was drunk enough to drive home, the valet brought her car. Gloria asked him if "anyone ever told him (the valet) he looks like Delonte West", to which the valet said "please don't rape me," and out of insult and frustration, Gloria smacked him. That's when the valet called the police.

"You take extended measures to keep your mom out of the public, but I can't hide her every time she has a DUI charge, or assaults a valet, or sleeps with my teammates. Whatever I do it's never enough," said James.