Famous actor and martial-art expert, Chuck Norris, faked his own death Friday in a feeble attempt to get back in pop-culture conversation.
“I used to be so popular,” said Norris. “I had my own cult following. I was all the rage. Five years ago you couldn’t have a folksy conversation without hearing an interesting fact about my life. Now everyone wants to talk about earthquakes, and Charlie Sheen’s drug habits.”
In Norris’ attempt to fake his death, he hired his good friend, Steven Seagal, to “find” him “passed out” in his living room after exercising on his Total Gym home workout machine.
Seagal thought the idea would work out well. “I know Norris is hard to kill and a dangerous man, but those Total Gyms really give you a good workout, and Norris is really getting up there in age, so I thought people would understand. I was going to stop by his house when he was half past dead, and then revive him myself to show how caring of a person I am.”
Norris explained the plan to the local authorities then wrote in his diary titled Guinness Book of World Records.
Norris is my hero, man! I still talk about him daily! If that isn't good enough for him I don't know what is!
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